I caught myself rinsing a ziploc bag for the third time

I'm 38 and I make good money now. I haven't always but I do now, like comfortably good you know the kind of good where I should not be doing what I was doing on Tuesday night which was standing at my sink rinsing out a ziploc bag that had held shredded cheese because I've reused that same bag probably nine times and I was deciding whether tonight was the night to throw it out or wash it one more time.

I grew up with a mom who washed aluminum foil and folded it back into the drawer. I have not bought paper towels in five years, I use cut up old t-shirts. I have a rubber band drawer the way some people have a junk drawer. I have some money saved up from work bonuses and freelance stuff occasionally, real money like more than I tell anyone and I cannot bring myself to spend $4 on a coffee without doing math in my head about what that $4 could be in 30 years compounded. Last week my partner asked if we could get the slightly nicer olive oil and I felt my whole face do a thing.

The ziploc moment was the one that got me. I was just standing there with the soapy bag inside out over my hand like a glove and I thought, when did this become who I am. The frugal stuff started as survival when I was 23 and broke and now I'm 38 and not broke and I'm still doing all of it on autopilot. My partner doesn't say anything but I know they think it's weird. My friends have stopped suggesting restaurants because they know I'll counter suggest cooking at home.

I don't want to stop being careful with money. That's not what this is but I just don't know how to tell the difference anymore between being responsible and being someone who can't let themselves have anything. The bag is still drying on the rack. I haven't decided